Darkness Possessed (Order of the Blade) Page 20

  Her pain seemed to plunge right into his gut, and he closed his eyes, knowing exactly how she must have felt. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. He opened his eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry, Rhiannon.” He didn’t know what else to say. There were no words to lessen what she’d endured, and a compliment as to how amazingly strong she was seemed to dismiss what she’d faced. “I know what that’s like, to die inside. I’ve been there, and it’s hell.”

  She lifted her head to look at him. “You have?” There was hope in her voice, a tiny hope that maybe she wasn’t the only one in the world who had felt the pain of a living death. “Will you please tell me what happened to you? I need to hear it, Zach. I need to know that I’m not the only one.”

  Chapter 17

  Rhiannon waited while Zach bowed his head. His shoulders hunched, and exhaustion seemed to shudder through his massive frame. Instantly, she was sorry. No one should have to relive that which had almost killed them. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked—”

  “No.” He raised his head to look at her, his eyes dark with turbulence. “You were honest with me. I’ll be honest with you.” He shrugged. “It’s not that long of a story. I met a woman—not my sheva—and fell in love. Not the Calydon-sheva lust. I loved her.”

  Rhiannon was startled by the depth of emotion in his voice. She’d never been around a man who felt anything. She was born of a tribe of women who protected the jungle, and men had never been a part of her life, until José had taken her. But the edge to Zach’s voice told her that he was telling the truth, th+

  at he had truly loved this woman.

  Riveted, she scooted forward, as if the mere act of discovering that one male on this earth was built from human emotions would suddenly make things feel better and take away what she’d just relived. Strangely, after recalling her life with José, she didn’t feel as scared as she usually did. Sharing it with Zach while he was holding her hand had somehow lessened the impact of the memories. She felt better, as if her past had loosened its grip on her a tiny, tiny bit. “Did she love you back?”

  A grim smile played across his stoic features, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, she did. I was working for the Order at the time, running around and saving innocents. She didn’t want me to do that anymore, so I left.” He shook his head, and she felt the bitterness in his voice. “I had made an oath to my sister and her kids that I’d protect the world against other rogues, and yet when I met Jacqueline, nothing else seemed to matter. She won my heart, and I had no choice but to follow.”

  Rhiannon narrowed her eyes. “Are you sure that wasn’t the sheva bond? That sounds like what it was like with José.”

  “No. No sheva.” He held up his arm. “Runes, remember? I can’t do the sheva thing. So, yeah, I just loved her. She had a child, and they reminded me of my sister and her two kids. They were alone in the world, and they had no one to help them. They needed me, and they became my family.”

  Rhiannon’s heart softened at his story. Here was this big, strong warrior whose job it was to save the world, and yet he had been won over by a single mom and her child. “What happened?”

  Something darkened in Zach’s eyes. “She became pregnant. We had a baby girl. Her name was Madeline.”

  Rhiannon went cold, so cold with terror at his words, at his use of the past tense to describe his daughter. Her heart began to hammer, as her own memories came flooding back to her. “What happened?”

  Zach turned his head away, staring at the wall of vegetation surrounding them. “One day, there was a rogue terrorizing a nearby village. The Order wasn’t around, so I went to help. I couldn’t stand back, you know? I was Order in my blood, even if I’d walked away from my duties, and I needed to go help. Jacqueline didn’t want me to go. She was scared. She was afraid of what would happen if there were more rogues around and they found her while I was in the village, but I didn’t listen. The screams from the village were so visceral, I could feel them in my bones. I had to save them. We fought about it, but I went anyway. How could I possibly ignore that?”

  “You couldn’t.” She knew that he couldn’t. Just as she hadn’t had the choice of refusing to face José. Her job had been to protect the jungle, and with José and his team destroying it, she had to go. She understood that he’d had to go, but she could hear in his voice that he didn’t. “What happened?”

  “There was only one rogue, and I took care of him pretty easily. I was on my way back to our house, and I heard more screams. This time coming from my house.”

  Rhiannon scooted closer to him, instinctively setting her hands over his balled fists. He turned his hands over and wrapped them around hers as he looked at her.

  “The father of her first child had been a Calydon. He’d been killed for going rogue after they bonded, freeing her from the sheva bond. But he had a brother who blamed her for his brother’s death, and he’d been hunting her. When he found that she’d married another man, he felt she’d betrayed his brother’s memory, and he came to kill her. The attack in the village had merely been to lure me away from her.”

  Rhiannon’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, no.” Zach had been too late.

  He shook his head. “When I got there, one of them was attacking my wife. She was covered in blood, but she was somehow still managing to stay alive. Her daughter was behind her, and she was trying to protect her.”

  “Oh, God.” Her hand went over her heart. “Zach—”

  “Another Calydon was going after Madeline, my daughter. I saw her running from him on her little legs, screaming for her mommy. Madeline saw me, and she ran right toward me, her arms out, screaming my name, screaming for me to save her.” He turned his hand over and opened his palm, as if remembering something. “When I saw my family in danger, I lost my shit and attacked, unleashing more fire than I’d ever done in my life. The fire and the explosion were massive. I went after that bastard with everything I had. All I wanted to do was kill him. His friends jumped out of the trees to help him, and I went after them. Ten against one, and I burned all those Calydons up.”

  “And Madeline? And your wife and stepdaughter?”

  He met her gaze. “After it was done, after the enemy had been vanquished, I turned around. Jacqueline, my stepdaughter, and Madeline were dead. All three of them were dead.” His voice was empty now, as if the pain was so great that he couldn’t even feel it.

  Rhiannon moved between his knees and placed her hands on either side of his face. “The Calydons killed them?”

  “No. They’d killed Jacqueline and her daughter while I was on my rampage, but not Madeline.” He looked her in the eyes. “I killed her myself. I lost control of my fire, and I killed her. My own daughter burned to death in my fire. I can still see Madeline running toward me, arms up, screaming for daddy to save her. She believed in me, and I killed her. “

  Rhiannon put her hand over her mouth, horrified by what he’d endured. There were no words to bring comfort to him. She could feel the depth of his pain in the shuddering of his shoulders, and the tension in his jaw. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Such empty, meaningless words, but they were true. She meant them.

  Zach placed his hands over hers, and squeezed. “Since that day, I’ve never been able to summon fire during a battle. And now, I can’t even so much as light a match. If the fire god comes after us, I’ve got nothing.” He ran his fingers over her hair, and she closed her eyes, her soul crumbling at the touch of kindness and gentleness. “And now,” he whispered, “I’ve met this incredibly brave woman who has somehow kept her heart alive despite what she’s endured. She’s up against an enemy who is too strong, and she needs help. She needs my help. And I have no flames left to help her. My fire killed my family, and now it can’t save you. I’ve failed in every possible way.”

  He pressed his lips to her forehead, a kiss so tender and gentle that tears burned in her eyes. Wordlessly, she lifted her face to his. For a moment they simply looked at each other, then she whispered the wor
ds she’d kept hidden inside for so long. “Three years after José took me, I had a baby. A daughter. José killed her the moment she was born, because he didn’t want a girl. Only a boy would do. He did it in front of me, and I couldn’t stop him.” Tears bled down her cheeks, tears for the child she had failed to save, just like Zach.

  Zach sucked in his breath, and then traced his thumb over the tears streaming down her cheeks. He said nothing, but he didn’t need to. She knew that he understood. He understood the guilt, the loss, and the agony. She knew in that moment, that Zach would always protect her. He’d suffered too much loss that he’d failed to prevent. His heart still bled for those who had died. She knew that he would never let anything happen to her. Never.

  The tears grew stronger and thicker, and this time, it wasn’t for the daughter she’d never known. This time it was for the fact that this man in her arms would never betray her. He’d never let her down. She could trust him. For the first time since she was sixteen and she’d walked out of her tribe’s village with nothing but a bow, her arrows, and her dagger, she wasn’t fighting the battle alone.

  “Rhiannon.” Her name whispered reverently on his lips was her only warning before he lowered his head and kissed her.

  ***

  His lips were barely a shimmer against her mouth, a butterfly’s kiss so light that it made chills cascade through her body. She went still, her eyes closed, as he feathered a kiss across the corner of her mouth. Then another across her jaw. Kisses so light that they were pure seduction, so light that her entire soul strained to feel them, as if she could draw them into her.

  Then he trailed a single finger across her throat, barely skimming her flesh. She swallowed, her heart pounding as he traced the faintest circles across her chest, lower, and lower, until his fingertip brushed over the swell of her breasts. His touch was delicate, like a silken caress across her flesh. It was pure temptation, a whisper of seduction that was barely a tease, making her shiver for more, instead of running for cover.

  There was none of the heavy palms or ruthless grabbing, just the most incredibly delicious sensation of his fingers trailing so light, so tempting, so wonderful over the surface of her skin.

  She closed her eyes, barely breathing as he continued to ignite sensations in her that spiraled through every cell of her body and pooled in her lower belly. She didn’t want to move, think, or speak. All she wanted was to stay motionless and absorb what it felt like to have Zach touch her so reverently. She felt like the heavens themselves were dancing across her skin through his touch.

  “So beautiful,” Zach whispered, his voice so soft it was more of a breeze across her than words spoken aloud.

  She opened her eyes to see him watching her intently. His dark eyes were riveted on hers even as his hand continued to trail ever so delicately across her flesh, sliding lower inch by inch across her breasts, closer and closer to her nipples. Every nerve ending in her body seemed to be on fire, and she jumped each time he touched a new area of her skin. She felt like every inch of her was straining to be the next area that his caress slid across.

  He smiled, a smile so laden with the grief of the memories they had both unearthed, that she felt her own heart become heavier with emotions she had suppressed for so long. In Zach’s arms, it finally felt safe to feel. She felt the pain of her captivity. She felt the grief of not being able to protect her daughter. She felt her longing for the tribe she’d left behind, even though they’d never appeared to rescue her or even contacted her after she’d escaped. And most of all, she felt sadness for her own loss of humanity, and the fact that she’d gone for so long without feeling the connection with another human being that she was feeling with him right now.

  His face softened, as if he had heard all the thoughts that had been cascading through her mind. Without a word spoken, not aloud at least, she seemed to understand what he felt and what he wanted. He wanted the connection to her as much as she yearned to be aligned with him. They had suffered similar things, and yet had emerged with him holding such strength and her being a survivor.

  She raised her hand, the one that had first touched her amulet on that night by the river, and she rested it on his muscular shoulder. His muscle spasmed beneath her palm as if he had the same reaction to being touched gently that she had. She slid her hand along his shoulder to the back of his neck. His skin was warm and incredibly soft, his hair like the strands on a newborn kitten. Lightly, ever so lightly, she pressed her fingers into him, inviting him closer, asking him for more.

  He responded instantly, but with the same deliberate reverence, closing the distance between them for a kiss. His lips feathered over hers ever so gently, just like he’d done before. But this time, he didn’t break the kiss. This time the kiss continued, a magical intertwining of his mouth and hers. It was such a tender kiss that it brought tears to her eyes. How was it possible for a man to touch her so gently? How was it possible for one kiss to say so much?

  He whispered her name against her mouth, and the mere sound of her name seemed to melt any last resistance from her. His use of her name personalized everything that was happening between them, a way of saying that he knew who she was, all the way down to her soul, and that he acknowledged her and wanted this moment to be with her.

  “Zach,” she whispered his name in response, and his muscles tensed beneath her palms in a reaction that mirrored hers of a moment ago. Two empty souls, somehow being brought back to life by each other.

  His fingers drifted to the back of her head, sweeping the loose strands of her hair back from her face, but not trying to tear her bun free. He allowed her the control of her own hair, but his touch was so soft and seductive that a part of her wanted to unpin her hair and let him slide his fingers through it.

  But she knew she couldn’t. José had trapped her by her hair too many times, and never would she allow a man to do the same again. But still… what Zach was giving her felt amazing. A tender, non-aggressive caress, that made her want to sigh like the girl she had once been, and surrender to his touch.

  His mouth was still on hers, gently working kisses that seemed to cascade through her like a butterfly in a summer dawn. It was so tender and gentle, but at the same time, desire began to pulse in her belly. It started with the faintest tremor of excitement, and then it began to build, swirling through her with increasing intensity. It wasn’t the blind lust of earlier, mingled with the power of her magic. This time, it was pure connection and desire, a yearning for something that would uplift her.

  Instinctively, she tightened her fingers against his shoulders, trying to draw him closer. He responded easily, locking his arm around her lower back as he shifted, so that their bodies were against each other. There was so much heat between them, and it was so incredible to feel her breasts crushed against his powerful chest. He slid his hand beneath her shirt, and she almost cried out at the sensation of his bare palm on her side, tracing her ribs one by one, as if he had all the time in the world to investigate every curve of her body.

  His kiss deepened ever so slightly, sweeping her into a devastating seduction of magic as his tongue swept across hers, dancing and entangling with hers. The desire pulsing through her body escalated, and when his hand slid beneath her bra and cupped her breast, she gasped in response. “That feels so incredible,” she whispered, unable to stop herself from arching her back and pressing her breast into his hand. She had no fear that he would hurt her, just an awed response to his caress. The way his palm encompassed her breast, as if he was shielding her body against the world with just his hand, was so intoxicating that she shuddered. Every part of her breast fit perfectly into his hand, as he encased it in the warm, sensual strength of his touch.

  “Good,” he whispered back. “I want you to feel incredible.” He began a teasing trail of kisses over her chest, toward her breasts. She swallowed, her fingers sliding through the soft strands of his hair as she tipped her head back, unwilling to do anything to stop him. Her body tingled in antici
pation as his mouth grew nearer and nearer to her nipples, as his lips trailed over the swell of her breasts. He pulled back ever so slightly, but before she could cry out in dismay at the separation between them, he tugged her shirt up, exposing her breasts to him. For a split second, she froze as the fresh air hit her bare flesh, flesh that had never been willingly exposed to a man, until tonight.

  There was no time for fear, because he lowered his mouth to her nipple in the most incredibly tender kiss of reverence and adoration. Desire leapt through her as his teeth grazed ever so lightly over her hardened nipple.

  A small cry of pleasure escaped her lips, and she felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. She quickly bit her lower lip, fighting to keep her emotions hidden. Just as she had held back her cries of pain and fear, she was afraid to show what she was feeling. Vulnerability was dangerous, and it resulted only in pain and betrayal.

  Zach lifted his head from her breasts as his hand supported her shoulder blades with easy strength. His dark eyes searched hers, and he thumbed her lower lip gently. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “It’s okay to just let it go. You’re safe with me. Every sound, every response, and everything you feel is okay. I loved someone once, and I haven’t wanted to hear a whisper of pleasure from a woman since then. Until you.” His well-muscled arms tightened around her lower back. “I want to know that you feel good. I want to know how you respond. It matters to me. It really does.”

  More tears burned in her eyes, for the words that were so gentle and caring. “You’re a stranger,” she said. “How can you possibly make me feel so safe? You’re a Calydon and—”

  “No. Don’t see me that way. Just see me with your heart.” He pressed his mouth to hers, cutting off her protest.