A Real Cowboy Always Trusts His Heart Read online

  He set his hat on his head. "It's a ten-bedroom house. Plenty of room if you get tired of this place."

  Her belly fluttered. "You think sleeping in the same building is a good idea?"

  He studied her for a long moment. "Maybe."

  "It's not." She stood up, grimacing at the protests from her muscles. She so needed him out of there before he tempted her enough that she had to get angry at him to keep the distance between them. "Good night, Ryder. Thank you for your help."

  "Yeah, sure." He walked to the door. "Zoey?"

  "What?"

  He hesitated. "Lock the door after I leave and stay in for the rest of the night," he finally said. "I don't trust those guys next door."

  "That's it?" He wanted her to lock herself up? Nothing about the missing ten years between them, or that night, that morning, when all they'd had fell apart?

  "That's it." But as he stepped outside and shut the door behind him, she knew that wasn't all he'd wanted to say.

  There had been more.

  But, like always, he hadn't said it.

  He knew all her secrets, but she knew so few of his.

  Chapter Five

  Ryder sat in his truck after he walked out of Zoey's.

  He sat there and watched more and more people heading into the apartment next to hers. Most of them were male and carrying cases of alcohol.

  He looked around at the parking lot.

  A couple guys were sitting on the back of a pickup truck with beer.

  Trash was piled up around the dumpster.

  An old swing set in the side yard was rusted and falling down, as if once this had been a place for children and families. Not anymore. It was a place that had once had hope and now had nothing but dead ends and lost futures.

  What the hell was she doing here? How had this happened?

  He'd met Zoey through Dane, because he'd been friends with her big brother. She'd been five or six, maybe, at best. Funny. Irreverent. Sassy. All the things he'd never been. She'd been this symbol of all that could be good in this world, and from that first moment when he'd met her, he'd gravitated to her innocence and her irrepressible spirit. His home life had been so shitty that he hadn’t known that someone like Zoey could even exist, until he'd met her.

  As a teenager, she'd been the one in his life with the sparkle in her eye. She'd been the only one who'd been able to get him to laugh. She was the one who'd taught him there were people in this world besides his brothers that he could trust. That was why he'd fought so damn hard to protect her. With his own home life such a war zone, he knew damn well how bad it could be, so once her parents had died when she was seven, he'd made it his job to make certain that she never had to face the kind of shit that had rained down upon him and his brothers.

  He'd kept an eye on her when she and Dane had been placed with their aunt and uncle as guardians.

  He'd noticed the moment that her uncle had started looking at her in ways that no man should look at a young girl.

  After that, he'd made sure that she never slept alone. Either he, Dane, or one of his brothers was always sleeping on her floor after that, every single night that her uncle was in town. If his own dad was out of town, he'd sometimes have her sleep in his room.

  No one ever got to her because he'd made sure she was safe.

  He'd made her laugh when kids at school had bullied her for her love of art.

  He'd taken her to her prom when no one would go with her.

  And then he'd stood back and let her leave this shitty little town so she could get the life she'd deserved.

  She'd left Rogue Valley on a full scholarship to Harvard. She'd gone to law school. She'd had it all.

  But something had happened while she'd been gone. She'd lost it all, including the parts of her soul that had been so precious before she'd left. What the hell had happened to her for the last ten years?

  He had to find out.

  And there was one man who would have the answers.

  When Ryder turned into Dane's driveway a short while later, the living room light was still on, which almost pissed him off. He was so annoyed at Dane right now that he would actually have gotten a little satisfaction dragging him out of the first sound sleep he'd gotten in months.

  He parked by the front door and jogged up the steps, knocking lightly on the front door in case the baby was asleep. He was fine to wake up Dane, but the baby? Not so much.

  The door opened after a few minutes to reveal Dane in sweats, a tee shirt, and bare feet, a crying baby over his shoulder. He looked tired, stressed, and surprised to see Ryder. "What's up?" The baby looked over at Ryder and immediately held out his arms, still screaming.

  Some of Ryder's anger dissipated at the sight of his nephew. "Hey, shortcake." He instinctively took little Justin, tucking him against his chest as he stepped inside. "You driving your dad nuts tonight, I hope?"

  Justin took a shuddering breath, the sobs easing as he snuggled against Ryder.

  "I'll take that as a yes." Ryder glanced around and saw that neither Jaimi nor their daughter Emily appeared to be up. "The girls asleep?"

  "Yeah." Dane ran a weary hand through his tousled hair as he shut the door behind Ryder. "You're the only one he'll calm down for. You're like the baby whisperer."

  "Don't tell anyone. It's bad for my reputation." Ryder grinned as little Justin sighed again, snuggling deeper against him. He wasn't going to lie. It was extremely satisfying to be able to get the baby to calm down when his own dad couldn't. "You realize I'm better at this baby thing than you are, right?"

  "I'm a great dad. My kids are lucky as hell to have me." There was no mistaking the pride in Dane's voice, which irked Ryder.

  How could Dane be patting himself on the back about being a great dad when his own sister was in such rough shape? Maybe he didn't know. Maybe she'd lied to Dane about her life. More of Ryder's anger dissipated. Zoey had always been stubborn as hell. Maybe she'd hidden everything from her brother as well. "Hey, have you seen Zoey since she's been back?"

  Dane retreated to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Not yet. She was supposed to come by today, but she decided to unpack instead. She's coming by tomorrow." He held up a mug. "Want some?"

  "No." Ryder rubbed little Justin's back. "She's in rough shape," he said, watching Dane's reaction. "She's out of money. She's…she seems broken." Just saying those words made all his anger flood back. His Zoey. Broken. While he'd been sitting on his ass doing nothing for her.

  Dane sighed. "Yeah. I know."

  Ryder tensed. "You know? You knew before today? And you didn't tell me?"

  "Ah…." Dane grimaced and turned away to put the coffee pot back on the burner. Instead of answering, Dane held up a plate with banana bread on it. "Emily and I made it fresh tonight. That kid is turning me into a domestic softie. Try it. It's impressive."

  "No, thanks." Ryder narrowed his eyes as he bounced Justin. Dane's delight at being a stepdad to Emily was great and all, but Ryder wasn't buying the distraction. He'd been best friends with the guy for enough decades that he knew evasive tactics when he saw them. "I had dinner at Zoey's tonight. She's living in a hellhole. Her asshole ex treated her like shit. She's closed off. There's nothing left of the Zoey who left here. Why didn't you tell me how rough she's had it?"

  Dane put the plate back down. "You had dinner with her? Tonight?"

  "Yeah, I helped her unpack all day, and we ordered in."

  "So, you're the reason she didn’t come over here? Because she was with you?"

  Ryder frowned at the edge in his friend's voice. "You're pissed I helped her?"

  Dane held out his hands for his son, and Ryder handed him back, scowling as Dane rocked the now-sleeping baby gently. "No, of course not. I'm glad you were there for her."

  Ryder blinked at the way Dane avoided his gaze. Son of a bitch. Dane was straight-out lying to him. "Why would you be mad I helped her unpack?"

  Dane looked at him, and there was no mistaking the f
ury in his eyes. "Stay the hell away from her."

  Anger swelled hard and fast inside Ryder at the command. "What does that mean? I'm not—"

  "Ryder?" Jaimi walked into the living room, wearing flannel pajama bottoms and a tee shirt. She looked like she'd just woken up. "What are you doing here?"

  He took a breath, reining in his anger. "Just stopping by to talk about Zoey. You doing okay?" He didn't know much about babies, but with his brothers acquiring kids left and right, he was picking up some trivia, like the fact that newborn babies didn't appear to sleep at all during the night.

  "Tired, but wonderful." Jaimi took Justin from Dane's arms, kissing both of her boys as she did so. "I am so looking forward to meeting Zoey. Hopefully tomorrow."

  "Unless Ryder distracts her again," Dane muttered.

  Jaimi's gaze sharpened as she looked at Dane, and then at Ryder. "Oh, babe," she said to Dane. "Don't do this. She doesn't need you to be like that right now."

  Ryder looked back and forth between them. "Like what? What's going on with Zoey?"

  "Nothing." Dane answered too quickly.

  Jaimi rolled her eyes. "Dane is in protector mode with her. I'm sure that's why she hasn't come by. He gets all papa bear on her every time he speaks to her." She looked at Dane. "Let her be, baby. She'll find her way."

  Ryder focused his gaze on Jaimi. "So, you knew, too?"

  "Knew what?"

  "How shitty things were going for her?"

  Jaimi glanced at Dane, then nodded. "Yes, Dane told me."

  Aggravation rushed through Ryder as he turned back to his friend. "You made it sound like her life was great out there. Was it all a lie?"

  Dane hesitated, and glanced at Jaimi again. "Yeah, I guess."

  "You guess?" Ryder swore under his breath. He felt like such an ass. He'd been Zoey's protector for years when they were kids. He'd promised to always be there for her. That was why he'd had to let her go the day after the prom. Because he had her back. But all this time, when he'd given her space, she'd been suffering? "I let her go because I wanted her to have a better life. She didn't, did she? All this time, and she didn't. And you knew? And you didn't tell me?"

  "She will." Dane kept his voice low, so as not to wake his son. "She just needs to regroup. Don't go and try to talk her into staying here. This isn't where she belongs."

  Ryder's jaw dropped in astonishment. "Me? Talk her into staying in Rogue Valley? Why would I do that?"

  "Because you—" Dane stopped himself suddenly, glancing helplessly at his wife, who was shaking her head at him. "Nothing."

  "I what?"

  Dane sighed. "Zoey always looked at you like you were her hero, Ryder. You're the only one she has ever listened to. You have to make her go back."

  "And back to where? Boston? The life that sucked the joy out of her?" That didn't feel right. He'd seen the shadows in her eyes, and he knew damn well he wasn't responsible for all of them.

  "It's where she belongs. She deserves better than this. We both know it."

  Ryder closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew the conversation he and Dane had had that night so long ago. Ten years ago, actually. "Maybe going back to Boston isn't right for her."

  "Staying here damn sure isn't," Dane snapped. "I gave up everything to give her a better life. You don't get to trap her here."

  "Trap her?" Ryder stared at his friend. "I'd never trap her."

  "Then leave her alone. Don't let her use you as an excuse to stay here. She's vulnerable, Ryder. You're her safe zone. If you let her hide behind you, she'll never go back to where she belongs." Dane's voice was low. "Do what you did before, Ryder."

  What he did before had haunted him for ten years. "Maybe it's time for her to decide what she wants."

  Dane's face was weary. "This town isn't it, Ryder. Even you won't live here. It's a dead end."

  Yeah, he had a point there. "You live here. You let your wife and kids live here."

  Dane's face softened, and he looked over at Jaimi. "It's right for us," he said softly. "For us, it's beautiful."

  Jaimi smiled, her eyes filled with warmth and love. "I love this town," she said. "I love everything about living here, including being around all my brothers and their families. It's the home I've always wanted." She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Dane's cheek. "But maybe, just maybe, you don't know everything that's right for your sister."

  His arm slid around her waist, pulling her and the sleeping baby against him. "I know ugly memories can trap you forever. This place became okay for me only when you came into it." He looked at Ryder. "You hide from the memories of this place, too. For people like us, like Zoey, this place is a quicksand that will suck you back into the hell that will destroy you."

  Jaimi sighed and rested her head on his chest, tears glistening in her eyes.

  Ryder hesitated. He knew the truth to Dane's words. The reason he had consistently refused his brother Chase's request to move back to town was because he couldn't take the memories when he was here. That was why all the Stockton brothers except Chase had left town as soon as they'd been old enough, and it was why he and Dane had worked so hard to get Zoey liberated from it. Their childhood had been hell, and the darkness was too strong, at least for Ryder. Five of his brothers had moved back to town and started families, but that wasn't for him.

  He'd never move back to Rogue Valley. He couldn't. So, yeah, he agreed Zoey didn't need this hell either, including the shadows he brought with him, but at the same time, it was clear to him that what she'd been doing for the last ten years hadn't been good for her either.

  Suddenly weary, he rubbed his forehead. "Maybe I can help her—"

  "You can't," Dane said. "I love you, bro, but you're so fucked up. You're like this walking volcano of anger, and there's a darkness in you that's pure hell. You're not good for her, and this place isn't either. The only way this place could be okay for her is if she found someone like Jaimi, someone from the outside who can chase away the shadows. Someone who can shine light on her." He met Ryder's gaze. "That's not you."

  Ryder pressed his lips together. "Yeah, I'm not all sunshine and strawberries." He studied Dane. "Is that why you didn't tell me what she was going through? Because you thought I'd run out to Boston and drag her back here?"

  "The thought crossed my mind," Dane admitted.

  "Really?" Ryder's eyes narrowed as he had a sudden thought. "Ten years ago, when you talked to me about making sure Zoey left town after graduation, was it Rogue Valley you wanted to get her away from, or was it me?"

  Dane hesitated, and there was silence.

  Holy shit.

  Ryder took a step backward, stunned. "It was me. The whole time, ten years ago, it was me that you wanted her to get away from? Not the town? It was me?"

  Dane swore. "You come from hell, Ryder. All your brothers do. I love you, but Zoey is special. She needs something more. She needs kindness, gentleness, and light. She can't survive your darkness, but I saw the way she looked at you. She would have lost herself in your hell. Don't give her that chance."

  Ryder was shocked by Dane's words. "I slept in her room almost every night. You had no problem with that."

  "You're a hell of a friend, Ryder. As long as you were her friend, it was all good. But once she started looking at you differently…that changed the rules. I know you. I know what nightmares live inside you. I can't turn my sister over to that, to you. I just can't. I—"

  Jaimi put her hand on his arm. "Enough, Dane." She looked at Ryder. "You're a good man, Ryder. I see it."

  Dane scowled. "Jaimi—"

  "You know what? Forget it." Emotions swirled through Ryder, dark, angry emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I'm going to head out."

  Dane frowned. "Don't take it personally, Ryder. It's not personal."

  "Fuck yeah, it is." He nodded at Jaimi, who was holding Justin against her chest. "See ya, Jaimi."

  She reached for him. "Wait, Ryder—"

  "Not now, Jaimi
. Not now." Ryder headed for the door, not turning when Jaimi called his name again.

  Dane didn't try to stop him. The man who'd been his best friend since they were kids, the one who knew him better than he knew himself, didn't make a move to stop him, or apologize, or take his words back.

  Because they both knew that he'd meant them.

  Ryder's soul had been damned the day he'd been born, and he knew it. Dane was right.

  He was not good for Zoey. He'd been a selfish asshole to even go over to her place tonight.

  First thing in the morning, he was going to tell Chase that he wasn't staying around to do the new barn.

  And then he was leaving town. For good. Before he could destroy her.

  Chapter Six

  Zoey had just managed to fall into a restless sleep when the shrill wail of the fire alarm jerked her awake. Her first thought was that it sucked to be living in an apartment building, and her second one was whether she needed to actually get up or not.

  Then she smelled smoke.

  "Holy crap!" She kicked the blankets off and leapt out of bed, stumbling over the pile of clothes that hadn't made it into her dresser yet. She flipped on the light, grabbed her phone, and a sweatshirt, then hurried toward the door.

  Her lungs tickled as she ran into the living room. Her eyes started to sting. From the smoke? Was there actual smoke in her apartment?

  She glanced around the living room, at her most important belongings strewn about. What did she have time to grab? Maybe the picture of her mom and dad, before they'd died. Or the—

  There was a loud crash that shook her apartment, and then she heard footsteps racing past her door, as some guy started yelling for everyone to get out.

  Panic shot through her, and she stopped looking for the photo. Instead, she grabbed her computer bag off the kitchen table and yanked open her front door.

  A wall of smoke hit her hard, pushing her back.

  She quickly looked around, and saw flames licking up the outside of the apartment next to hers. Holy shit! Her eyes started to water, and a wracking cough seized her lungs.